Facing Reality

This morning while I was on my run I was listening to the Vous Church podcast by Rich Wilkerson Jr. He was talking about things that we need to breakup with in order to live and have the best relationship possible. There were four things that he talked about: 1. Breakup with fairytales 2. Breakup with your feelings. 3. Breakup with fate. 4. Breakup with your failures. As he went through this and talked about them, it really spoke to me. I am hoping it does to you too, and once you read this I really encourage you to go listen to it.

How many times have you wished that your love story would just be like The Notebook? I know I can’t be the only one lol. I can remember so many times even as a little girl watching Cinderella or The Little Mermaid, and dreaming of the day my prince charming would come sweep me off my feet. Maybe you spent your time wishing and hoping for this fairytale because what you witnessed growing up wasn’t what you wanted for yourself. Just like Rich says in this podcast, “What you watched is what you learned.” We are a product of our environment. As much as some people would not want to admit that we are. This is powerful, because to change you have to do something that you were never taught. These fairytales have caused us to have this view of how love should be and how no matter what there is always this happily ever after. We get this view that love is a feeling, and it’s not until you are older, at least for me it wasn’t, that love is a choice. Choosing to love someone day in and day out despite all their flaws. Love is so much more than the butterflies in the beginning. That mushy feeling you have and your heart races when you are together isn’t always there. You cannot base your love off those feelings because they will let you down. Life is always going to throw you curve balls and you have to have a more solid foundation.

“You are not called to save your partner, you are called to walk with your partner.”

Rich Wilkerson Jr. Make Up or Break Down. VOUS Church, February 17,2019.

You cannot rely on your feelings to always be the best judgment for how you respond to things. There are going to be times you are so mad, frustrated, annoyed at your spouse and if we react on our feelings, I can say you won’t honor your spouse the way God has said to do. If you are reacting on your feelings a lot, you need to stop before you respond, think about God’s wisdom or read it so that what comes out of your mouth not only honors your spouse but it honors Him.

Number four is a big one for me because early on I let my failures hold me back. The fear of something bad happening or eventually he really isn’t going to want me. He will find someone better than me. How could he really love me after everything I have done. This kept me from embracing the goodness of what I have and loving it for what it was. Then one day I finally forgave myself for my past choices and fully accepted that they were no longer going hold me back from the life that I am blessed to have. The past still creeps from time to time but the difference now is that I am stronger in my faith than I ever have been. I have rooted myself in Him. I want to create a space where my daughters seek what my husband and I have. I want them to understand that when we disagree, there are times we raise our voice at each other, but at the end of the day they see a love that honors God. That no matter the wrong doing we come back to each other with love, gentleness and respect. That they see love, forgiveness and grace.

No matter what He can always restore what has been broken. I am going to make many more mistakes, but His grace is stronger. So start living in your reality stop wishing and hoping for your life to turn into some magical fairytale, and create your own. Real life love is better than the movies because you know that it has been something that has been worked for. Something that has been nurtured and at the root of it all, there is a deep love for each other.

XOXO