Back To The Beginning

There is nothing like the end of the school year drawing near and sports changing up to add more chaos to your life. I told my husband recently that this time of year is almost worse than Christmas time. There are so many things being piled up that it has caused a pause in the making time for US in our marriage. I have been reading a book that has truly challenged me in our marriage. It has been such a book of encouragement and so uplifting. It has made me realize a few things that I had the wrong view on and some things that I could work better at.

Do you remember how you and your husband were when you were first together? The early years of marriage of just the two of you wanting to be together all the time, going on dates, when you loved talking to him all the time, when you couldn’t wait for him to get home because you missed him so much in those 8 hours, or when we knew we wanted the best for each other and we were always on the same team not against each other, and when we really heard each other. I started thinking back to those times, they are some of my favorite memories. But once the girls came into the picture, life changed and it changed because, well it had too, but not all of it had to change. I can remember when our oldest was a baby, I was so happy for him to be home so that I could breathe and just get a break. I remember feeling like I couldn’t go on a date because we had a baby, duh. Now that we have three kids sometimes when he calls it is the worst time, and I can’t even really listen to him and we both end up frustrated. I started thinking about how many times I actually go and greet him like I used to with a smile, a hug and kiss, and an I love you so much thrown in there. Now I can honestly sit here and say I don’t do that every day, but why?

“The words you say to your spouse today will become the foundation you stand on when communicating tomorrow.” Becky Thompson

Love Unending. pg114. Waterbrook, 2017.

Those little things didn’t have to change. Going out of my way just to show him how much he means to me never had to go away. When kids come into the picture we just have to remember to be more intentional, more purposeful. We have seasons where we are very intentional with date nights and making time for each other and we have seasons that aren’t so much. We are currently trying to work through our not so much season. We also have to remember that our spouse is not our enemy. There are times when we are having a disagreement that I lose sight of the fact that he is my teammate, the better half of my tag team and we both want what is best for our family. We have always strived for the whole of our family not ourselves. Something that Becky Thompson said in her book, Love Unending, really struck me, “Perhaps there have been moments in your marriage when serving your husband felt more like your job instead of your joy.” Yikes, because I know there has been more than one occasion where this has been true for me. It hurt my heart when I read this because I do not want to be like this with him. When we were first married being his wife was the greatest title and still is, I just think I let the chaos of life dull the sparkle of it.

The best part of this whole thing is that it does not have to stay this way. We can always make a change, not so he will make one in return, but because it’s what we should do. We should love our spouse wholeheartedly, purposefully and intentionally because that’s what love is. If you want to see the change BE the change. Instead of focusing on all the wrongs of your spouse focus on what you can change and make better for yourself, and when it’s the right time God will start making moves elsewhere. Once our heart changes we will see things differently. Reflect on where your love started and realize that it is still there, you just have to be more intentional. Send him a sweet text message to remind him how much you love him. When he comes home no matter how hard your day was hug and kiss him and remind him how much you love him. It does not have to be anything huge, it truly is the little things. Find the joy in serving your spouse again instead of it being a job.

Even if you are not struggling in your marriage, I would really encourage you to get this book. It is so good and provides us with good reminders and encouragement in our marriages. There are always new things to learn and improve on regardless of the struggles or lack there of. I am thankful for women like this that use the talents that our Lord gave them to help us all in our journeys.

XOXO