Learn As You Go

I was listening to a podcast yesterday about making your marriage a priority during motherhood. It was a good reminder that this season of the never ending mundane days, the chaotic schedules and sleepless nights is a season, and seasons come and go thank goodness! The spark that was ever present early on is dimmed out. Getting up early just to make him breakfast isn’t the biggest priority because you have been up with kids half the night. The date nights seem few and far between because the chaos of the kids’ schedules take up too much time. Instead of spending time together when the kids are in bed, you are on your phone. There are a million and one excuses that you can use as to why your marriage isn’t a priority anymore. What happens when twenty years from now and your kids are gone; who are you left with, a stranger or your best friend? During this season it is so hard to continue to make your marriage a priority. Motherhood is exhausting, you give so much of yourself sometimes the last thing you want to do is keep giving. Making your marriage a priority takes intentional effort, because once you have kids they can and will suck the life out of your marriage if you allow it. Everything that you do as a parent is trial and error and you continue to learn and develop over time. It is the same in your marriage, you continue to learn as you go. Continuing to learn and grow by yourselves and together is so crucial to have great marriage. While our kids live at home we have to continue to fight to keep the deep meaningful conversations and connection alive in our marriages.

“We want their help and not their hearts”- Becky Thompson

When I heard this on my podcast it hurt a little because I have been guilty of this at times more than I would like to admit. There were so many times I can remember waiting for my husband to come home so I could give him the girls and go have a few minutes to myself. Rather than greeting him with a guy and saying I am so glad you are home I hope you had a good day, I would greet him with bitterness in my voice or anger.  I forgot that just because we had children does not mean he does not still need love too. I remember the days before kids when he would come home I would give him a hug and a kiss and be happy to see him. And yes I know things change when children come, but making them feel loved and appreciated should not go away. I can remember getting all dressed up somedays just because, or when we would go on dates spontaneously. These things still have to and should be a priority even after our children come into the picture. When you have kids it changes your day to day conversations from being about the two of you to the chaos of shuffling kids here and there; it takes intentional effort to keep each other a priority. I know I am guilty of being on my phone when my husband is talking to me at times, and it is distracting so when this happens I am not giving him my full attention. These little distractions keep us from being able to connect with each other. There are times we are trying to have a conversation and there will be more than one child trying to interrupt the conversation, not every single thing that they want to tell us is always important and it can wait until we finish what we are talking about. This one is for the husbands, men let me tell you that there are times your wife just wants you to listen to her and not fix it. We just want to be heard, loved and supported. My husband always wants to fix things and make it go away, but he has learned that most of the time if I just feel heard that is more than enough. We both want to do what’s best for the other, we just have to stop letting the exhaustion of our daily lives suck the time we have for each other away.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. – 1 John 4:16

We always need to be striving and working on ourselves and our marriage, because one day we will be home just the two of us and I want to be able to enjoy that season of life together and relishing in all the hard work that was put into our marriage throughout the years. It’s in this season of our life that we need to be more vigilant with our efforts towards and for each other. I say this because it will challenge me to do so. Do not lose yourselves in the chaos that life brings. Show your children a marriage that you want them to have one day. If you are in this season of motherhood just continue to fight for each other, not with each other. Be kind, loving and embrace each other every day, even on the days you do not want to…do it anyway. I know that not every single day is going to be great and magical but if we try to be more intentional with each other it will make a difference. You are in this together. It’s the two of you against the world and don’t you forget it!

XOXO