Maybe You Need Lonely

Everything that is going on in the world is overwhelming. It feels like the world is literally ripping at the seams every single day. There is so much information being thrown in our faces at every turn some days I just want to stay locked in our house and never leave. It is so easy to sit and scroll mindlessly for hours searching for anything to give you the answer or to take you away from here. Reopening my store at the worst time in history to open any store has stirred up so many insecurities within myself it is unreal. I watch as other boutiques continue to succeed and thrive while mine feels like the constant struggle bus that never ends. I see other people model in their clothes and begin to question whether or not I’m skinny or pretty enough to even be doing this. The focus on growing your business social media wise is mentally exhausting and sometimes I get so focused on my lack of growth or likes that somehow that determines if I am a success?! If this was where He was leading me then why would it be this way? All of these things are stealing my focus and my attention from where I want it to be.

I think about all the times in the Bible when Jesus went to pray and spend time with God, he would go somewhere alone and quiet. It’s really hard to be fully in the presence of God when chaos surrounds us. It is really hard to hear Him when the noise of this world drowns out the sound of His voice. Sometimes the quiet is hard for me because I really start thinking and in the silence I break, so I keep music on, the tv on anything to distract my mind. What if the only thing I am distracting myself from is the one thing that will bring me peace? The peace that my heart is so desperately searching for. Maybe in this season I need to be lonely. Maybe my distractions that I keep piling up are keeping me from being where God needs me.

He loves you exactly where you are and who you are. He wants us to come to Him and seek Him, but not seek Him so that he will answer every single prayer that you have on your list but come to Him because you love Him. One of the most precious and beautiful examples of this love comes from Luke when a woman who was a prostitute came and brought the most expensive  perfume and knelt at Jesus’ feet with this perfume and her tears, and then began wiping His feet with her hair. It was the greatest sign of love she could give and once again she came exactly as she was. She didn’t wait for the right time or for her to get her life together, she went immediately and fell at His feet. You come to Him because you know that He is truly the only one who can give you rest not just physically but emotionally and mentally. In my book I am reading, A Mary Like Me, I am reminded of God’s love for us. Have you ever heard of the Greek word agapao or Agape? Agape is the perfect description of God’s love for us. Agape means that “love is given based on the needs of the person rather than his or her desires.” We should seek God like this every time regardless of our desires; we run to Him because our love runs this deep. There is no greater love that anyone or anything could bring you than His Agape love.

It is ok to be lonely. We are not pursuing popularity, we are pursuing our purpose. God never asked for us to be popular, or to have it all together, He is after our hearts. This is something I am coming back to. I have let the world become more important than the bigger goal. I have let the fear of my store being a failure surpass my love of spending time with Jesus. I miss Him. I can feel my heart pulling me back to where I belong. I am letting the chains of this world go and I am setting my heart free. Instead of chasing after the fire of this world I am running toward the stream of life.

“Out of my distress I called the Lord;

the Lord answered me and set me free.”

Psalm 118:5