The 7 Year Itch

My friend and I were recently talking about marriage and all the things it teaches you and the hardships that you go through. A good marriage does not come without hard times, it’s through those hard times where you find out how much your love can really grow. Can you come out of the hard times stronger together or stronger apart? I fully believe that marriage makes you a better person. It challenges you to grow as a person all the time. You are going to have disagreements with each other, but it’s how you choose to face them whether your marriage grows or becomes stagnant. We were married at the very young age of 19.. yes I know crazy! lol. Our relationship before kids was incredible, we had our hiccups but we had so much fun; we were literally the expression of young, dumb and in love. I think when everyone gets married you think that it won’t happen to you or that you will be better than that. We won’t ever fight like that, we will never go to bed angry or I will never yell at my spouse or fight in front of my children. It’s so funny how that never always comes around.

I titled this the seven year itch because it is a thing lol. The more women I have talked to have reaffirmed that for me. Around year seven we threw in some children, medical school, residency and Lord help us the toll it can take on your relationship. I do feel like there comes a time when you have been together for so long that you lose the feeling the need to pursue your spouse, it happens and you get comfortable. You begin to invest less in to each other and more into your family and your jobs. Life is hard y’all! This happened to us, we were overwhelmed, exhausted and comfortable. It takes one of you realizing that there is a black hole forming to start to pull each other out. It takes one of you realizing you want more for your marriage to take back the love and fire that was once there. In marriage we are supposed to be each others best friend, at times we can be each other’s worst enemy but it’s because we love each other so much. That love is what creates such a good marriage because at the end of the day you both know you want the best for each other. Marriage can bring out our very worst qualities at times but it can bring out our very best.

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”-1 Corinthians 13:7

Let’s be honest your wife still wants you to tell her she is beautiful, she still wants you to leave her little notes with sweet things on them around the house. She still wants flowers from time to time or just something sweet to remind her the little things are still important to you too. Just because kids come into the picture doesn’t mean that these things go out the window. The same goes for husbands too. It’s so important to remember how much you pursued each other before kids; it’s important to keep the fire still burning in your marriage. No great marriage comes without trials. Face the trials you go through together, communicate to each other, and do not let the hard times take over the good. True love is being able to overcome trials with a love deeper than you could ever imagine. It’s loving each other through the good and the bad. Do not focus on the qualities that each of you are lacking, focus on the positive things that each of you do bring. Keep doing things together that are fun, new and exciting. Find things that challenge you together but also individually. Marriage is not about changing the person you marry it’s about loving them for who they are, even things that annoy you, and learning how to work together, loving and respecting each other despite your differences at times.

Being married is not easy but it is worth it. You marry your best friend, the one who gets you, and someone who is always there for you and has your back no matter what. Someone who knows your true heart and loves you even when you mess up. Someone who forgives you and chooses to love you. Love is a choice and it’s a choice every single day and for me it’s one of the best choices. There are times he falls short in pursuing me like I desire to be, and so we talk about it and work through it. There are times we don’t completely see eye to eye when dealing with our children and we have to talk and work through it. There will always be something that will challenge you so don’t neglect it, face it. We have always said a successful marriage is 95% communication. Don’t lower your expectations of each other because you don’t want conflict, that’s not the way to solve any problems. You each deserve the best and should expect the best from each other. Don’t settle for an okay marriage, strive to have an exceptional one. Hold tight to each other when you are going through the rough times, because as long as you still fight for each other and want to fight for the best in your relationship it will come.  It will not come immediately, but it will happen. If anything remind yourself the standard of a marriage that you want your children to look up too. Hold tight to God’s truth and the love that His wisdom can breath into your heart and bring that love into your marriage. With every trial something better is on the horizon, so don’t let your current disappointments and struggles take you down.

XOXO