The Dark

This past week I went in for a mammogram for some pain I have been having. The mammogram was uncomfortable to say the least but the most unnerving was when they told me I would need a ultrasound that day. My mind immediately began to have all these horrible thoughts and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. As I laid alone in the dark ultrasound room I sat there and it made me think of how many people before me had been in here dreading what was to come, and I prayed that that day for me was not happening. My phone was buzzing from my mom and my husband calling me worried, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer because I still didn’t have answers myself. Thankfully everything checked out for now but that Tuesday morning had a big impact on me.

Fear is the perfect way for the enemy to creep his way into your thoughts and your heart. He waits for moments like this and reminds you of your greatest fear and makes you hate the unknown. It is so hard to not let that voice become louder than the truth that you know. In moments like this we reach for control instead of having courage in our faith. That day reminded me how little control I have over what may be to come. Sometimes I feel like these things happen to knock us back into perspective. Having faith is believing and trusting in the unknown. You cannot see it but you know in the depths of your heart that it’s true. I would like to say that when moments like this happen my first thought is to just trust God and not totally freak out, but I freak out for a little bit and then trust in Him second. I am working so hard at turning this part of me around.

I don’t want my first instinct to be juggling all my fears, I want the first thing I do is believe and remind myself that no matter what He is good. His intentions are always pure and always from a place of love not of harm. He loves us so much and He will never leave us even when we feel alone. He is always there. In our life of faith we will have highs and lows, it will not be a picture perfect journey but your life will be filled with more love and purpose than you ever thought possible. I want my faith to be so strong that the enemy doesn’t have a place to weasel his way in.

No matter what fear you are facing don’t look to the world to help you or fill you up, look up and look inward. Talk to Him, pray, sing, write to Him; the more you do this the more it keeps the enemy at bay. Be courageous in your faith. When you keep God’s wisdom ever present in your heart and mind and you keep speaking truth into those places when your fear comes, there will be a peace that overrides your fear.

“You keep courage and let God take control.” Rich Wilkerson Jr.