The Set Back

For those of you who have followed my story know that I have struggled with an eating disorder. If you haven’t heard my story I wrote a blog about my journey which is titled Shattered, so you can go back and read it. Towards the end of summer I started to feel really convicted about me being obsessed with my body. I would sit in the mirror and critique myself on how all the ways I look disgusting and awful. I am too fat, I have too much cellulite, my mom pooch is sticking out, etc. I would see someone on Instagram or Facebook that would instantly make me degrade myself in a bikini. I would make myself get up go to the gym to workout at 5:30 so that I made sure and made time to get my workout in before anything else. I was going backwards and not forwards with how I chose to see myself and my body.

You see there is one problem with this, what I was doing with my body wasn’t honoring God, it was dishonoring Him. Instead of me investing in my time with Him I was investing in my gym time for selfish prideful reasons. Nothing about what I was doing was strengthening my relationship with Him, it was weakening it to my very core. I had let what this world holds of value override what He holds to be true. I let the lies of the enemy become louder than His words of truth. You see what we are to be doing with our bodies is what honors Him, things that give our bodies strength to go out and be disciples of His word. We have to be healthy to be able to carry out the plans He has for us. It is useless to do all of this physical strengthening of our bodies if we are spiritually dying on the inside.

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! Matthew 6:22-23

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When you let the darkness that this world offers as truths shield your heart, His truths have no way of getting in. You deplete your body of the nourishment it really needs to flourish. So after much time of me ignoring God’s pull at my heart, I finally relented. I have been for a little over a month now getting up every morning before anyone is up and I have been spending time in the word. I have been letting His truths wash over me before I start my day. My views of myself have started to shift. My days have improved. It doesn’t mean that I do not still have days of frustration because I do. However, because I am grounded in His truths, I am able to combat the lies a lot quicker.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

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It is so hard for people like me who suffer with an eating disorder to realize you are ultimately not in control. It is so hard to let go of the things on this earth that seem so important when in all actuality they are not. Our bodies are His temple, our bodies are made to bring glory and honor to Him not ourselves. You do not honor Him when you are seeking desires of the flesh and not the spirit. You do not honor Him when telling Him that what He made isn’t good enough. I write this as encouragement for myself. I write this to keep reminding me of the truth.

Do not let the darkness of this world drown out His voice. Do not question who and how He made you to be on the outside, focus on the inside and the outside will follow. Take care of yourself but make sure it is for the right purpose.

The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

Job 33:4

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